Stepdad helps his 9-year-old stepson buy birthday gifts for his mom after his deadbeat dad forgot, dad takes credit and mom calls stepdad a liar when he tells her the truth: 'She said I was acting like a needy man baby'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Dec 17, 2024 8:00 PM EST

Blended families can often facilitate a level of competition between the adults. The biological parent who the kids don't live with wants to prove that their more important than the stepparent the kids do live with or vice versa. Sometimes, a stepparent is just objectively more of a parent to a child than their biological parent, and that can foster animosity fueled by feelings of inadequacy on both sides. How should a stepdad who has been a father figure to a kid his whole life feel when his biological father shows up after 9 years of absence and takes his place in the eyes of the kid and his mom? It's one thing to prevent a child from having a relationship with their biological parent because your adult feelings are hurt, but if they're doing none of the work and getting all the credit, it's definitely a situation worth evaluating.

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    Cheezburger Image 10443158528
    via Joseph Gonzalez

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITAH for considering divorce over my wife's ex behaviour
    via u/Calm_Let3806
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    Recap: I've been with my wife for six years (married for 1.5 years). Her son, let's call him Jake, is 9. He used to call me "Dad," and we had a great bond. Five months ago, his biological dad showed
    via u/Calm_Let3806
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    up. Since then, Jake has been repeating things his dad says and constantly insulting me. I went from "he is my dad" to "he is just my mom's husband! Hahaha "
    via u/Calm_Let3806
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    Last week, Jake called me because his dad, who was supposed to pick him up from school and then take him shopping for his mom's birthday, bailed on him. I stepped in, took Jake shopping, and we had a
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    good half-day together. I paid for the gift he picked out. I dropped him off at his dad. He was sleeping and forgot about even picking Jake up from school!
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    On my wife's birthday, Jake lied and said it was his dad who took him shopping and paid for the gift (despite his dad never having a job or paying child support). His dad graciously accepted all the compliments and even made fun of the gift I gave my wife. My wife, however, didn't say a word to him.
    via u/Calm_Let3806
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    After the party, when Jake went to his dad's, I told my wife I was upset that she didn't stand up for me. She rolled her eyes and said, "Why? Because he was more thoughtful than you?"
    via u/Calm_Let3806
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    I told her the truth about what happened, but she didn't believe me. I even showed her my credit card statement and phone logs proving that Jake called me on Tuesday. Frustrated, I left to stay with my brother because I can't be around someone who doesn't trust me.
    via u/Calm_Let3806
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    Here's the thing: My brother thinks I'm right. My mother-in- law has messaged me a million times, saying it's a misunderstanding and that I'm overreacting. My wife hasn't apologized.
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    She came over yesterday and said she feels stuck because she doesn't want to make her son feel bad about his dad. She keeps saying, "He's just a kid, and you should be the bigger person."
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    When I asked if she was apologizing, she said no. She insisted it was just a misunderstanding and added that she's seen how much her ex has been trying. Then she said I was acting like a "needy man baby."
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    I told her that if she thinks so highly of her ex and doesn't see my efforts, she should leave because she clearly doesn't get my point. She doesn't seem to care about any of the effort I put in.
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    Her response? "That's exactly what I'm saying-you're acting like a needy baby who needs a reward. You need to man up if you love me."
    via u/Calm_Let3806
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    So now I'm torn. Should I start talking to a lawyer because there's no point in working on this? Or am I overreacting and should we try counselling?
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    guitarguywh89 Start detangling your life now I feel bad for the kid but NTA
    via u/guitarguywh89
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    brsox2445 Yep the kid is going to get terrible lessons from both of them and likely grow up just like deadbeat dad. But sadly that's not OP's problem and the kid's parents have made that abundantly clear.
    via u/brsox2445
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    nazuswahs Your wife didn't apologize and didn't appreciate your effort to help her son I'd say she deserves the deadbeat ex.
    via u/nazuswahs
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    Busy-Persimmon-748 Definitely needs to start the exit process. If an AWOL parent suddenly returns there should be some process in place to introduce them back to the kid - and not manipulate things. The fact mum has no interesting in protecting her kid, her relationship or her kids relationship with her husband... I mean what is there to stay with. She quite literally seems to be going with f it and doing her best to burn it all down.
    via u/Busy-Persimmon-748
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    Better to get out before things became totally in bearable and if you want to try be optimistic maybe it will give her a shock in realising how bad things are. But honestly sounds like she's drinking the exs kool-aid also at this point.
    via u/Busy-Persimmon-748
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    AlwaysHelpful22 • 1d ago Top 1% Commenter While I understand her desire for there to be a bond between her son and her ex, I do not understand her total disrespect for you. She didn't believe you, called you a liar, refused to apologize, gaslight you, and then called you names. She's an AH. Btw, your stepson used you, lied about you and then embarrassed you. At that age, these are still AH moves
    via u/AlwaysHelpful22
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    The ex is a piece of garbage AH. Unless you enjoy this level of disrespect from the 3 of them, you're going to have to leave. Not one of them will ever back down or treat you with respect if you become their punching bag. NTA
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    Material_Assumption $10 bio dad told his son to say he bought it
    via u/Material_Assumption
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    Your_Daddy 1972 $20 says that the divorce was a one sided decision and she only married OP because she didn't want her or her son to be alone and broke
    via u/Your_Daddy_1972
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    tonyrains80 1d ago Top 1% Commenter You are not overreacting. Trust is the most important thing in a marriage. The kid, bio dad, and your wife all f ed you over. Her not believing you was the worst. Thank God you don't have a child with her. It's time to evaluate your life with this woman. Apparently, she is using you for financial support for her and the boy.
    via u/tonyrains80
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    You can't let them walk all over you or they will. Your life will become a living hl. Please stand up for yourself. When she said this to you: "That's exactly what I'm saying you're acting like a needy baby who needs a reward. You need to man up if you love me."
    via u/tonyrains80
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    SHE IS PLAYING YOU!!! Tell her it's time for her to go. bluff. Send her and her boy away. She Call her needs to know you won't be her whipping boy. She thinks she owns you already, get a lawyer and end this.
    via u/tonyrains80
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    GhostWCoffee Exactomundo. It's all about "if you love me ", but marriage is a two way street, and she doesn't show any signs that SHE loves him. Almost the opposite. NTA. OP, get out, NOW!
    via u/GhostWCoffee
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    karjeda So it's ok to treat you disrespectfully cuz she loves you? Get out of this one sided all about me relationship. How many names does she need to call you before you see the disrespect? Let her and her ex raise their child. You need to find someone who won't resort to immature name calling as a partner. Plus she's not doing her son any favors by not correcting his r de behavior.
    via u/karjeda
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    [deleted] OP She thinks he is just a kid and im over thinking! She thinks Im jealous of Jake and his dad's relationship and I should get over myself
    via u/Calm_Let3806
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    Glum-Bet-9895 Nta but you need to get out. The child has already been manipulated into trusting dad. And from the comments given to you from your wife I'm guessing she is talking and Might even be rekindling stuff. Women who date a_h_les will usually fall back into that behavior. They have some kind of weird need to be abused. Have no idea why but I've seen it time and time again.
    via u/Glum-Bet-9895
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    [deleted] OP I agree! He is repeating word by word what his dad is saying and my wife refuses to correct him.
    via u/Calm_Let3806

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family drama relationship birthday crazy things parents say relationships parenting dad family stepdad ex husband mom Parenting Fail son parents Parenting FAILS
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